BREAKING: Rigorous Peer-Reviewers Really Just Three Of The Author’s Best Friends

CHICAGO—The supposedly rigorous peer-review process that vets scientific research is facing questions after reports suggest that the peer-reviewers are in fact not a panel of unbiased, apolitical, altruistic gods.

Artificial intelligence allegedly revealed the dark secret of the peer-review process when analyzing recent publication data from the top 50 scientific journals. It found countless examples of scientists recommending their friends to determine if their work was fit for publication.

“This is an unbelievable revelation that requires immediate action if our science is to remain reputable,” said President of Integrity at the Scientific Integrity Association Karen Williams. “This process was supposed to be bulletproof.”

Forty-year microbiology veteran Jerry O’Connor stated, “I always knew this was the case. The journals have always asked for the author to recommend peer-reviewers. Imagine getting to pick your grandma to grade your homework. Works every time.”

The public fears that much of what we now know as “science” could be compromised due to the shortcomings of the formerly assumed rigorous process. As of publishing time, the public faith in science is said to be in “free-fall”.

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