Deadly Food Dyes To Be Banned Urgently Sometime In A Couple Of Years

WASHINGTON—The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have announced that food dyes will be banned in the United States due to their toxic and cancer causing characteristics. The substances are so dangerous that HHS and FDA are giving food companies a short 18 months to remove the dyes.

Many of these food dyes are sourced from petroleum byproducts and have been linked to cancerous tumors, ADHD, and immune dysfunction. Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. stated, “It’s imperative that we act quickly to ban these substances due to the adverse effects they are having on our kids. Big food is poisoning our children, which is unacceptable—except for the next 18 months.”

When asked for comment, Froot Loop icon “Toucan Sam” said, “I understand the frustration many parents have with our use of unethical food dyes, but the naturally-sourced, healthier options are so expensive. It would hurt our profits too much. But come 2027, we won’t have a choice.”

Food manufacturers are reportedly breathing a sigh of relief with the ban not taking effect for another year and a half. Concerns arose that the ban could be enacted immediately due to the toxicity of food dyes, but lobbyists assured concerned interests that the fast timeline would not be allowed.

As of publishing, lawmakers in Congress are already working on a bill to delay the enactment of the ban until 2075.

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